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Reflections

2/2/2023 0 Comments

How to Touch

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How can you touch someone with finesse, skill and attunement in a way that is unattached to outcome, listening to both your needs and theirs, following the flow of what wants to happen? This is not a lesson in techniques, but how to be present with yourself and another so that your body can meet theirs harmoniously.

On one level, it's super simple - you just do it.
However, we're complex creatures.
I'll speak for myself...

I want to be attuned to, deeply heard and seen. I want the person touching me to release what they think they know and to actually listen to my body, my energy, my words, my breath, my soul AND theirs. If they are not aware of what's happening for them and they're focused solely on me, something is missing.

What is attunement? 
Speak to me, make contact with me in a way that has my body, mind and energy soften and clarify in your presence. When we are attuned, my body trusts your touch the moment you come into contact with me, and where you come into contact with me is not necessarily physical touch first. Here in this moment as you're reading, you are coming in to contact with my words, my thoughts, my energy field. The energy field spans distances and time.

Attunement is finding resonance where your body and mine meet. It's finding harmony between us. 

Attunement is how a mother knows exactly what her baby requires, and giving it to them in a way that they can fully receive it. Attunement is not assuming you know what someone else needs based on past experiences, but being present with the being you are with in the moment, who may be different than how they showed up 10 seconds ago.

A guitar will need different tuning in dry and humid conditions. A living human is far more complex than a guitar. They may desire completely different contact now than you gave them 2 days ago, or different than you would like to receive yourself. 

HOW do we attune to our partners?
First, know yourself. Become so purely present with yourself in this moment.

As I type this now, I feel tingly in the back of my head, tension in my jaw and teeth, distrust of people who may read this (I have a story that the more strangers know about me, the more they'll take advantage of me, in a way that takes and doesn't give), awareness of sounds around me - the dryer running, neighbors upstairs - my sleepy eyes, the ticking clock, the habit of my energy coming forward, then recalibrating and finding where my energy wants to be - naturally sinking in to my belly as I allow it. 

What's the point of noticing and naming all of this? Why does any of this matter?

Because as I write, as I notice everything in my experience, I soften, settle, and relax. My energy expands. The pressure in my head releases. 

How does it relate to attunement to a partner?

If I'm holding tension, or on edge, or not present and aware in my body, then some part of the person I'm coming in to contact with is aware of that, whether they are conscious of it or not. Their body, or their energy, or their subconscious knows. And the better that I can attune to myself, to become aware of my present state and to give myself what I need, I will be better equipped to make contact with another being in a way that is clear and mutually supportive in a clean, unattached way. If I were disregulated and not aware of it, not owning it, and then offering supportive contact to someone, I may actually be receiving more benefit by touching them than they are receiving from me. I may actually be subconsciously taking. This can create an energy imbalance - an unconscious way to pull energy. The more that I as a support person am aware of my experience, and am grounded, centered, and owning my experience, the more I can offer neutral, attuned, supportive contact.

From a place of self-awareness and finding right relationship with another person - that is, what physically and energetically feels clear and easeful between the two of you - then touch can come more naturally. Techniques can be taught, but they aren't the first skill.

Reach out to me if you'd like some guidance on how to touch, and how to attune to yourself and another. Sessions are available in person in Asheville, NC, Boulder, CO and online.

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9/8/2022 0 Comments

Grounding after being triggered AF, and moving towards Freedom


Ground
​
This is many things...

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Ground is the Earth we walk on.
Ground is our bodies.
Ground is the energy which connects and flows through every molecule.
Ground is Source.

Ground is what we believe in.
Ground is something that helps us feel stable. 

For some, the sky, stars or space may be more Grounding, more stabilizing.

At one point in my life, imagining the space within my spine was very centering and stabilizing. When I was triggered in a coaching class, no one knew this was a resource for me.

Some intuitives and empaths know exactly what’s needed when someone is triggered. Sometimes they’re also clueless. Sometimes you’re the only one who can know what’s supportive to you.

Last night I had THE MOST triggering experience in Circling (an authentic relating practice) that I’ve ever had, and I’ve had a few of them over the years. Grateful for years of experience in trauma healing and knowing my system well, it was clear to me that I needed some time alone, and I was able to shake it out after a few hours. Today I’m still moving through the discomfort.

What is my Ground now, that which holds me when I feel most unstable? When triggered, I felt confused, unsafe, scared, shaky. I didn’t trust ANYONE, and I realized in the middle of the night at 2:00 AM that if I didn’t shake off the trauma, I could develop an auto-immune health issue. I wasn’t shaking naturally, I was frozen. Nervous system overload. 

Pause for a Nervous System Lesson:

There is more to the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) than Sympathetic fight or flight and Parasympathetic rest and digest. That’s the Sympathetic system under stress and the Parasympathetic in optimal health. When stressed TOO much with insufficient support, one can go into the Parasympathetic stress response of freeze, dissociation and collapse. To the extreme, one can die. So a Parasympathetic nervous system response isn’t always rest and digest healing time. A calm demeanor isn’t always a healthy, resourced state of calm. Click here for more information on the ANS.

Now back to my freeze state...

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(cheers, “Yay! Freeze state, weeee!!!”) 

It’s common for me to experience this in extreme stress. Thanks to years of amazing teaching and healing, I had the mindfulness to at least start experimenting with some internal resourcing. I found MY Ground that was supportive in that moment. 

In this case, it asked my Spirit guides to support me, then the shaking started with ease. Though I consider myself to be a relatively embodied person, I wasn’t able to settle enough or access the shake on my own. Though I consider myself to be a Spiritual person, I was still skeptical until recently about actually connecting to “guides.” SO, after YEARS of teachers suggesting I connect to and request help from my Spirit guides, I can finally say that I did, and it actually helped. Wow. And I still feel nervous to name all of this publicly.

To name that I’m not as embodied as I would like to be. That I was triggered to the point of an hours-long trauma response at a f***ing Circling event. That I’m still processing it and overeating today. That I connect to Spirit guides. 

My point is, we all have wildly different experiences, and different ways to Ground and resource.

What you know may be different than what I know, and vice versa. Last night at Circling I experienced projections, assumptions and judgements that ranged from irritating to highly activating, and it served a purpose that I believe is serving me and others, but I do not wish anyone to experience that level of activation at an authentic relating event who doesn’t have the level of resources and support I do. That sounds cocky to me, but also true. My wish is that we make space for our own and other's experiences, space to express ourselves authentically without co-dependent tendencies of needing to fix or change others, and space to be curious about what's really happening.
 I believe this will bring us more Freedom.
​
If you want help finding your Ground and accessing more Freedom, reach out to me. I’m available for online and in-person coaching, energy healing and intuitive bodywork in Asheville, NC and occasionally Boulder or elsewhere.

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    Author

    I'm Erin Casey, and I touch people. With my hands, with my presence, with contact - physical and energetic. With my art, with my awareness, kindness, ferocity, grace, humor, humility, humanness. I create Source-guided art: intuitive, abstract, bringing the unseen to light. I follow the energy, follow what feels right. Sometimes it's messy and awkward, but often it's beautiful and moving.

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